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Insecurities still arise from time to time, just as they do in any relationship, but it’s on a much different level now—just normal occasional stuff. To what if any degree do you guys feel compelled to hide your relationship from the rest of the world?Is that hard on you psychologically, not being able to be open about who you are and how you live?(A woman wrote to share with me that, in all ways but legally, she is equally married to both a man and a woman.I asked my new acquaintance if she would be willing to let me interview her about that.It was later that we discovered there was a term for what we were.If we need a term, we consider ourselves “poly-fidelitous,” which is what poly’s call those who love more than one person in a long-term, faithful kind of way.

Truthfully, we don’t think of ourselves as polyamorous. I was a (divorced) single mother, and they were a happily married couple.There were numerous points where we would look at each other and say, “It’s so weird, but if I was still a fundamentalist Christian, I would say that God is blessing us…”We took very small and careful steps forward, hesitantly, every inch of the way being shocked at how nice, how perfect, how healthy, how “just right” it always felt. Fun, in that it was a new relationship, so it was exciting, but totally exhausting.Our fears about each next step were always replaced by fearfully taking it and then finding it delightful. The minute we bought our big house together, we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. That takes time, but we parent in very similar ways, and the children and teens already were very close, so it all meshed together well, too. ” If she saw us being affectionate, she might say, “Oh, no!We have differed a little bit on this, as I mentioned, and I am the one who is the most hesitant about coming out.My two lovers have been really kind about respecting my fears about the children and agree to keep it private for now, but we all look forward for the day when we can just be open.

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